Celebrity Crushes

I am sitting in my room watching the movie “The Lookout” and it occurs to me that I really have a major crush on Joseph Gordon- Levitt. So I thought I would make an entry about my celebrity crushes, so I can keep it as an ongoing list.

•   Matthew Gubler Gray
•   Joseph Gordon Levitt
•   Jared Leto
•   Brandon Boyd
•   Adam Levine
•   Will Smith
•   Travie McCoy
•   Ryan Gossling
•   Alexander Skarsgard
•   Joseph Mazzello
• Eric Balfour
•   Jason Statham
•   Kevin Connolly
•   Jerry Ferrara
•   Bruno Mars
•   Matt Damon
•   Brad Pitt

June 27th, 2011

          

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I really need to stay on the diary thing because I have neglected it for far too long. It definitely will be much much easier to keep a diary as a blog on my computer because I can type so much faster then I can write and I can save the entries with no problems and not have to worry about them being lost or read by someone that I don’t want reading it..

So todays date is June 27th. I'm at the Jupiter Inn Motel, we have been here for about 3 weeks or so- we were supposed to go back to Budget Suites but... It turns out that I wont be able to get an ID because my warrant is still an active warrant, and I don’t need to risk going to jail. That severely depresses me, just because I know I wont be able to get a damn job and that means I am stuck with Doug for even longer. Its getting so fucking hard to be around him, really, I don’t know what to do sometimes. He gets very drunk, very high and very angry a lot lately. Its been about two months since we had sex, and I am putting back on weight back on.

Its so sad to look at my life and see nothing that gives me any joy other than my children. When the love is gone…It is REALLY gone! When I look at Doug I get angry, angry at myself mostly for making such a HUGE mistake in choosing him. I really wished that I had simply stayed with Luke, and I feel that I would be a far happier person then I am today. Even if he and I hadn't stayed together long…I still feel that Luke would've been a better choice then Doug ANYDAY!!!

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Perfect Destiny

As I,

Lay back looking at the blanket sky.

I'm inhaling a little "know how, know why".

The stars twinkle rhythmically in the night,

As if the were dancers made of light.

Under the bright beams of a full moon,

The wind whispers to me a sweet low tune.

I imagine,

You kissing me in all the hidden places,

Sending me into a euphoric stasis.

Dreaming so long of this intimate bliss,

Swooning under your sweet caress.

So bless me lover with all your splendor,

Ensuring that I'm yours forever.

Our love is all i see.

More of me, more of we.

Why is this not my reality?

Why cant this be?

You,

My perfect destiny.